When Rabbits Ruled the World
by Doug Fredericksen
It was quiet, too quiet. At five am the birds would begin
their chorus, but not today. There was a light, wet fog in the air which made
the morning seem even quieter.
I left the building in the dark. There were no cars racing
to work, no fireworks or gunshots from the nearby party that had gone on into
very early hours the night before. It was clearly the time of the day nobody
seemed to want.
This was when rabbits and coyotes ruled the silent world.
The occasional trash truck would rumble down the street like some disjointed
dinosaur. Lights would flick on behind curtains in dark, quiet houses, and the
occasional garage door would creak open.
It was June, 2020, and the world
was in the throes of disease, ecological disaster, and an economic spiral, but
here in this quiet neighborhood none of that seemed to matter. I watched a baby
bunny munch busily on some healthy gazanias. A huge crow found a cigarette butt
and flew off with it in his beak, looking every bit like some raven gangster.
Old unwanted furniture was stacked out by the curb and the early morning golf
club employees were hustling around in their little carts placing flags and
opening gates. They were hoping for a good day.
The last good days anyone could remember were at least four
months ago, before the virus swept the world. There was a time when we gathered
shoulder to shoulder in bars and restaurants, hugged our friends when we met,
and played all manner of contact sports to stay healthy. But now we pulled
away, covered our faces in masks, and more often than not
stayed locked behind our own fearful doors.
All the recent news still seemed far away and fantastical
at 5 am. I pulled open our front gate with the dirty end of my walking stick and
shuffled past the cars in the driveway being careful not to touch any of the
gigantic cacti that ringed the front yard. Rabbits scurried into thorny
crevasses at the base of the cacti and quivered when I walked by.
My music cancelled out the quiet. With a twenty-year-old
MP3 player and some wired ear buds I filled my head with the magical sounds of
seventies prog…Genesis, Yes, and Pink Floyd. There was a time when musicians
reached for the stars. Now it seemed modern music had become much like
life…cruel, random, and forgettable.
These first hours of the morning were the best hours, free
from tasks and free from distractions. It was easy to meditate as I ambled
along. I was in the here and now, practicing mindfulness; one soft footstep
after another, one boost with the cane every other step, and an atmosphere free
of screaming families or toxic exhaust. It was the best time of the day.
Yet even the finest mornings, like when I sighted a snowy,
far-off peak from the ridgeline or saw the rainstorms spread out like jellyfish
and swirl over the city, could contain a threat in the modern world. It wasn’t thieves or skate punks that bothered us, it was us.
As if on cue, I sensed a disturbance on the corner just
ahead. It was another early riser shuffling through the shadows. We saw each
other at the same moment and both stopped where we
were, a hundred-feet apart. He was older, probably in his seventies, and
wearing old-school grey sweats. As soon as he saw me
he pulled up his blue bandana to cover his nose and mouth.
I nodded and pulled my red bandana over my face while
stepping out into the middle of the darkened street. There was no traffic, just
another senior stepping to the middle of the road to give a walker a
comfortable berth. This would have never happened six months ago.
We nodded amicably as we passed and then hurried on into
the last dark moments of the night. There was a park ahead. It was a
neighborhood park I used to play basketball in and smoke a joint once in a while.
Now the
park seemed to be abandoned. The city left the trash cans to overflow, the
weeds to grow, and the ubiquitous car or van parked in one of the two parking
lots with its’ windows covered with blankets and t-shirts. These overnighters
usually only lasted one night before moving on to a more hospitable park. There
were battered, graffiti-covered restrooms in our park, but for the last several
months the doors have stayed locked. I always wondered why they didn’t do a better job with the trash since they didn’t have
restrooms to clean any longer.
In the early morning you never walked to close to a parked car.
Sometimes the occupants were naked, sometimes they were drunk or high, but if
they slept in their cars they were always broke, hungry and wary. There were
usually beer cans, cigarette butts, and condoms on the asphalt by the doors. I
gave them a wider berth than I gave the fellow walkers on my early morning strolls.
The old hillside park was blessed with a beautiful view of
the quiet city below it. A winding concrete walkway looped through the park and
became a ritual of my early morning walk-through. Every other day the
sprinklers were on between five and six am; high arcs of concentrated water
shot fifty feet in a circular pattern that caused me to adopt a Frogger-type
strategy of stopping and starting to dodge the streams of cold, recycled water.
The
city had stopped mowing the lawn at the park a few years back and had
outsourced the chore to a private contractor. They mowed the grass regularly,
every Monday morning, but they also mowed the rocks, sticks, leaves, and broken
bottles strewn throughout the park. This left a short, even expanse of lawn
that was ringed with a useless compost of broken glass and leaves. Even the
local wildlife dodged this sharp, dangerous fluff.
Once in a while I would see a few kids playing basketball
on the cracked court, shooting fading jumpers through the impossibly loud chain
nets, or a couple who had sneaked away from their socially distanced houses to
meet in the park and make out for an hour before school or work. As our
pandemic drug on for months, these early morning park visitors became fewer and
farther between.
One group I did see use the park regularly were the
rabbits. They were spread throughout the park, doing a more efficient job with
their busy mouths than the landscapers ever did. Occasionally a coyote would
lope through the area and the bunnies would scatter until it moved on and they
could resume their breakfasts. When I walked by they
barely noticed me, except for a few of the young ones who would scamper off
into the bushes with their mothers watching carefully.
The hillside park was built in the 60’s and had an
incredible view of the city below. When it was built it was on the far edge of
the city, a virtual escape from urban living. Now, sixty years later it was
surrounded by large, expensive homes that also appreciated the view. The
highest point in the park, a small grassy knoll, was the highest point in the
city. Directly adjacent to the ageing park was a ridgeline that had become a
Mello-Roos privately-owned park provided by the new
homes.
There was a beautiful winding path from the grassy knoll
across the ridge and down into the private park. In the early morning the lush green slopes of the private park were
covered with rabbits, all munching away a couple of feet apart. A few usually
stopped on the path and scuttled away slowly when they saw who was walking
through.
This morning I saw at least three dozen scattered across
the slope. They looked up quickly when they heard me coming with my cane but
then went right back to their meal. All of them went back to their meal except
for one, a big plump bunny who had parked himself in the middle of the path and
faced me down.
He was heavy, at least eight or nine pounds by the look of
him. It was obvious that this was the leader of the warren and it looked as if
he was waiting for me. I walked steadily towards him
but he didn’t move. He merely stared up at me with a strange look in his eyes.
I stopped about ten feet in front of him.
“So bunny, are you going to move
or do I have to go around you?”
The rabbit looked at me quizzically, as if sizing me up
while all the other rabbits on the hillside backed off several feet. I didn’t remember noticing this bold bunny before. Like all
rabbits I figured he’d scamper away as I got closer.
As I walked straight towards him there was a gruff noise that came from the
rabbit, as if he was clearing his throat.
“Go over or around me, but I’m not moving.”
I froze. All around me the rabbits on the grassy slopes
stopped their munching and stared at us. I pulled one of the earbuds. Wow, I
thought. I’m really losing it. Six months of isolation
and now I’m hearing animals speak.
“Did you hear me?” the rabbit growled.
“Ok,” I chuckled, glancing quickly around. “Where’s the
mike?”
“What?” The rabbit tilted his head quizzically. “There’s no
mike. I’m talking to you.”
I smiled and looked back over my shoulder, expecting to see
some kids with a walkie talkie. But as I looked around
I realized I was totally alone.
“Sure you are. Well, if you’re
really talking to me…what’s your name?”
“That’s not important right now,” the rabbit scoffed. “I
need you to deliver a message for me. Are you paying attention?”
I stopped looking around for the source and stared right at
the rabbit.
“You’re talking.”
“Of course I am. How else was I
going to get through to you?”
“Well, uh…I don’t know. What do you want?” I asked, still
sure somebody was having a good laugh punking the old
man that walked through the park every morning.
“I speak for all the rabbits you see on these slopes, and
we want the same thing you do, safety.”
I couldn’t help myself and started
to snicker.
“At least you don’t have to worry about a global pandemic.”
“Please be serious, big human. We know all about Covid-19
and your unsuccessful efforts at curbing it. But we’ve got our own problems.”
“What problems?” I scoffed. “All you do is chew grass all
day, have sex, and dodge cars and coyotes.”
“You’d be surprised how complicated it can get. The things
you see are the most important things to us, food, family, and safety. These
are getting much harder to come by due to your actions.”
Now he had me. I stopped wondering who was responsible for
this theater of the absurd and nervously fingered my walking stick. If I was really losing my mind, I thought, I wouldn’t be able to
practice my meditative breathing. Slowly I counted to eight as I inhaled,
counted to eight again, and then exhaled slowly. The rabbit tilted his head.
“Are you done? Come on now, we don’t have much time, pay
attention.”
“Ok. Let’s say I really believe
I’m talking to a sentient rabbit. Why aren’t any of the others talking?”
“Oh, they talk,” the rabbit said as he nodded towards the
other rabbits on the hillside. “But they choose not to. Like most animals, we
refrain from interacting with you out of a combination of fear and disgust.
Things have gotten to such a point, though, that I was chosen to confront you.”
“Me? Specifically? Why would you chose
to talk to me?”
“You’re different than most. We can hear your music through
your headphones, and approve. Most of the rabbits are
very impressed that you talk to us kindly every day. I’m the most senior and
their leader so I was chosen to speak to you.”
“Well, I’m honored,” I smiled slyly. “But why is today
different? Why did you choose today to speak with me?”
“Like I said, things have gotten to a very serious point.
If we, and I’m speaking globally, don’t act we may
cease to be.”
“Hmm. So are you talking about the
COVID crisis? Don’t you think we’re trying our best to stop it?”
The big rabbit shook his head quickly and rubbed his nose
on the grass next to the trail. He looked back at me with what looked like
concern in his eyes.
“Hell no. You’re not trying to
stop it. In fact, you’re making it worse. We see a few
people wearing masks and distancing, but on the whole
you’re failing. The virus is getting worse among humans. With the environment you’ve already made a mess of this planet and have us on a
path to sure destruction. At any time you could use
your science and make this world what it should be, but you won’t.”
“Wow,” I paused, it was the most damning thing I’d ever heard from rabbit. “Well, I agree we’re not doing
much on the environmental front. But there are a lot of people trying hard to
tame this COVID thing. Being a rabbit you don’t have
anything to compare it to.”
“Oh, you haven’t heard of the hemorrhagic fever that is
spreading through warrens from the Palm Springs area? It’s like Ebola for bunnies and we’ve lost millions. But
look, we’re all sitting more than three feet apart and
you won’t see any of this warren mixing with strange bunnies, no matter how
sexy they look. We’ll tame this before summer is out,
but you’ll still have your own virus raging. But it’s
more than just the virus, it’s the environment as well. If you don’t get a
handle on it you’ll destroy the whole planet. This
virus is just a warning sign.”
My brain turned over in my head. Not only was I talking to
animals, I was beginning to argue with them. The weird thing was,
this rabbit was making sense.
“Ok, so let’s say I believe you.
Why on earth would you bring this to me? What can I do?”
“We all have our roles to play. My role was to contact you.
You were selected because of your kindness, your obvious environmental beliefs,
and the fact that you always have your mask, even in the early mornings. You
care, and we can sense it. What you need to do now though, is contact your
superiors, whoever that might be, and make your beliefs known.”
“My superiors? Do you mean my wife, my boss, or maybe the
President?”
“Yes. All of them. You could talk to them, write to them,
or make big signs about these issues. If you and others like you don’t start somewhere we’ll all be destroyed.”
Just then I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. The
rabbits on the slope scattered and the rabbit I’d been
talking to moved to the edge of the path. A lone early morning hiker was coming
towards us but walking about ten feet to the side of us along the grassy
hillside. He was a senior as well, masked and walking with a cane and a water
bottle. The senior waved and nodded toward the rabbit as he passed. I waved
back, wondering if he’d heard any of the conversation.
After he passed I waited a few moments and then turned
back to the big rabbit.
“So, you want me to be your spokesperson?”
“Don’t be so egotistical. It’s not
just you. Right now there are others like you being
contacted by various animals. We know some will follow through, and some will
just resign themselves to destruction. We’re counting on you.”
“Well, I do love a good cause. Do you think we can talk
about this again tomorrow morning?”
The big rabbit paused for several seconds and looked me up
and down.
“Look, it’s getting late and I’ve got to be going. Jeremy,
the brown, has half a store-bought carrot he’s going
to share with me this morning. We’ll see you again,
but you need to get started. We’re counting on you.”
Before I could frame a response
the rabbit turned quickly and darted off into the underbrush at the edge of the
trail. The other bunnies on the grassy hillside were twenty yards away now and
scattering into their own bushes. I was left alone on the hillside with the
sounds of Genesis’ The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway
echoing through my earbuds.